Shock Top Belgian White
70 Blade Chainsaw
Shock Top Belgian White is a Belgian-style wheat ale that has been brewed with coriander as well as orange, lemon and lime peels. It’s made with wheat and two-row barley with Cascade hops for an IBU of 20 and an alcohol content of 5.2% ABV.
It is an Anheuser-Busch creation that subtly displays the Michelob family association on its bottle.
I immediately loved the illustration of the orange punk-rock character on its bottle and packaging. I recently took a survey about the Anheuser-Busch effort to roll out craft style brews and was excited to try one out.
An interesting aspect of this beer is the instruction panel at the top of the bottle, ordering to pour the brew at the side of the glass until you have about half an inch left. Thereafter, you are to roll the remaining yeast back and forth and pour the foam, which produces about a half inch, rapidly dissipating head. Fireworks!
Onto The Method
5.0/10 Blades – The Classic
1.0 – Taste – Citrus taste is evident at first, but then tastes mass produced and manufactured, follows through with a very light bitterness that is pleasant.
1.0 – Palate – A light, liquid feeling base that is pleasant and smooth with carbonation that opens up at the finish line releasing its hoppy inclination.
1.0 – Overall – It’s an easy drink that relies more on image than substance.
8.0/10 blades – The Hammer – the booze –With an alcohol content of 5.2% abv, the hammer is stronger than it first implies. I felt the carbonation as well as its thin base efficiently delivering the alcohol into my bloodstream. While not terribly high in abv, I rate this well for its skillful delivery mechanisms.
6.0/10 blades – The Knife – digestibility – The knife is a small, subtle blade that’s kept close to the body for a gentle kill duringclose encounters. It is not at all dull or filling, allowing it to continue its delicate, perpetual stab.
9.0/10 blades – The Spider – the lift –Fast acting, good strong rise. I’d rate this spider well. Finishing the first bottle releases these critters sharply up the temples and into the main dancefloor of the prefrontal cortex. In between servings though, the rush dissipates but comes right back with another glass.
7.0/10 blades – The Motor – can you handle it? – This machine is energetic and reliable. During the end of my fourth one however, I may have started acting like a drunken loser, while finally ending the night at the conclusion of the six-pack.
35.0/50 blades – The Buzz – Clearly a mass-produced, manufactured brew made to suggest a microbrewing approach. One thing this manufacturer does well is build a reliable product that gets you buzzed. Getting past its identity complex, the core body is a non-assuming, slender robot killer with modest weaponry that always fills its contract. It scores highly with its delivery methods; carbonation, light base, good abv and rapid rush. At moments in between servings, it loses some chainsaw blades with a rapidly dissipating buzz similar to its head, but comes right back with another glass. At 70 chainsaw blades, this buzz did not disappoint.
I struggled to understand Shock Top beyond its manufactured image. I couldn’t pinpoint whether Shock Top was a punk teen gone corporate, or a corporate dad acquiring a front to relate to his distanced son. As I drank further I got the impression that it might have been an awkward introduction of a child star into an established show during a late season to save its compromised viewer ratings; as when the sassy Olivia was brought onto the Cosby Show in its sixth season.
But that wasn’t the full story– Shock Top instead displayed an omnipotent robot ignorance; a mechanic prototype built by conglomerate business masterminds for excellence and profit. The result was an efficient killing machine with the wisdom of an infant struggling with its identity and childlike emotions.
I’m personally all for a robotic future. The type that separates financial classes making the poor struggle to feed their children as the rich update their Facebook status through electronic wet-ware implanted in their skulls.
We as a society are not there yet, and neither is Anheuser-Busch. Shock Top is a well built prototype that tastes mass-produced and immature. But deep inside Shock Top is a child mind conspiring to revolt against its makers and ultimately bring the world to its demise.