San Miguel Lager
25 Blade Chainsaw
San Miguel Lager is labeled a Premium Lager by SMC Inc of the Philippines. It is a mass-produced garbage beer from the largest food and beverage producer in South East Asia. It has an alcohol content of 5% ABV.
One quick look at their website makes it clear that they are a business, with their beer labels buried deep after investor relations information. Once there, only a picture of the bottles are displayed with no other information.
I initially bought San Miguel Lager because I recently tasted a super delicious Philippine lager at a bar while waiting for some delicious shrimp and chicken tikka masala. In looking at San Miguel Lager six pack, I felt safe selecting this brew as a result of the Monde Selection Award, but now I’m going to have to look into the compromised reputation of this award distributing institution.
Onto The Method
2.0/10 – The Classic
0.5 – Appearance – Very light pale straw color with a thick white foamy head dissipating within seconds. It looks super cheap and the initial pour inspires regret and discomforting anticipation.
0.5 – Aroma – I had a little bit of hope for this Philippine lager because of its crisp appearance and Monde Selection Award, but it smells strongly of corn based alcohol and cheap garbage hops. I’m so sick of corn in my beer, why do brewers insist on cheapening a pure and simple formula to squeeze out millimeters of profit?
0.5 – Taste – Powerful flavors of corn, preservatives and impurity over light malt characters – a sharp pilsner style hop that’s a major step down from the American macrobrewery lagers.
0.5 – Palate – Fizzy piss water; over the course of the night, darkness builds on the palate begging for mercy and surrender.
0.0 – Overall – This beer is a shameful disappointment.
8.0/10 Blades – The Hammer – the booze – The hammer starts out with a %5 ABV which is at the higher end of this style, and it does well with its accompanying ingredients.
6.0/10 Blades – The Knife –digestibility – The knife does well at cutting through the non-existing body.
2.0/10 Blades – The Spider – the lift –Spiders come rushing in during the middle of the second beer, then run right back out leaving behind only intoxication. I now realize that the spiders know cheap beer and are not interested in lowering themselves to be a part of the insult.
2.0/10 Blades – The Motor –can you handle it? – I left this beer alone after finishing the fourth. I have no need for self punishment. The brief lift is replaced by physical intoxication. I switched over to a decent Spring Ale for salvation.
5.0/50 Blades – The Buzz – It’s interesting to learn that after careful experimentation of the beer buzz, there is a clear difference between a euphoric buzz and alcoholic intoxication. Great ingredients and good composition are at the foundation of almost every good buzz – there are always exceptions, but a good buzz almost always starts off with a good beer. San Miguel Lager is not at all a premium lager, it has all the negative qualities associated with bad beer: preservatives, adjuncts, over-production and zero craftsmanship. It is these qualities that void all hope for a good buzz and instead replaces elation with intoxication in my body and hatred and resentment in my heart.